Bad days in hell
by ashess
Summary: so many _lovely_ stories on Veggie out lately (well, I love 'm!). Aww, but he had such a rough time, and then I gotto thinking,.. well this! erm After the battle with Frieza on Namek. Lots of swearing. well maybe homor, but DARK humor :) enjoy, and lemme
1. Vegeta's Inferno

Ahh, I've just read soo many stories on poor Vegge lately.  
About what a hard time he had and all. and don't get me wrong. I love em! in fact, this is -sort of- one too.  
Just a little thought that struck me!  
  
DO I own dragonball? porbably not,.. unless someone puts me in thier will or something (hint)  
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It was dark down here. Dark and hot. Too hot for comfort.   
WHat little light did shine gave off an eerie red glow, and the moanes and cries of the damned filled the air,  
bouncing off walls just out of sight to echo back again and again.  
  
Then,  
  
"KUSO!!"  
  
"SHimata, Shit Baka AAARCH!"  
  
YEs, someone was definitely out of place here.  
  
"Where in the fucking whores am I!"  
  
All around the damned stopped to stare at the odd little man in their midst.  
Though he did not seem all that short, with his chest puffed out and glaring around.  
A black flame of hair stood up straight from his head,   
and his battered armour contrifed that he had not passed over to this reals in his sleep.  
  
More and more people stopped in their labours, looking back to see what the racket was about.   
Quickly, a lesser demon stepped over to the source of thier distraction, cracking his whip down hard.  
Vegeta had time to smirk before grabbing the piece of leather and pulling it to him.  
  
The demon was still attached, and thus pulled along.   
So the Prince did the easy thing and grabbed the hideous creature by the collar.  
  
"Well," he said in an amused tone of voice,   
"are you going to tell me where in seven hells I am, or am I gonna have to blast it out of you?"  
  
Vegeta actually smiled at the thought. He'd just been killed by Frieza, and it hurt.   
Inside somewhere.  
Killing this big runt would somehow make up. A little.  
The creature seemed to sence The Saijy-jin wasn't kidding, because he answered quickly.  
  
"Exactly there. Seven hells!"  
Vegeta groaweled. "what?"  
  
"Look around you. you're in hell. don't you remember dieing?"  
  
LIke he'd be able to forget! It lasted bloody well long enough for him to remember!  
  
The Prince looked around, lowering the demon back to the ground in confusion.   
The flames, the naked,.. humans(!) struggling up with heavy rocks. The upward spiral into the black skies.  
  
"Doesn't look like any hell I've ever heard about." Vegeta managed.  
  
The red little demon snorted, then straightened out his tie.  
'shouldn't be going about naked with just that thing around your neck then, should you, bishounen!'  
  
"Where is this place, bakayarou? How did I get here."  
  
This place. This hell. It was all wrong.   
All wrong!  
THe air was heavy, thick almost. The gravety seemed to be more the usual. red clouds all about.  
  
It all reminded Vegeta of his childhood memories of his planet.  
  
The thought that his wonderfull home could be considered hell to anyone,   
-did it become a wonerfull place to him only after it was destroyed perhaps?- the sheer thought that this could be hell,..  
It was an insult! to him, personally, and to all Saij-jins!  
  
The demon was eyeing his whip, hoping to snatch it back from the sturdy warrior when he wasn't paying attention.   
One quick jerk towards it got the demon talking again, though.  
  
"Well you see. Namek was a dying planet as it was, and they'd never had much use for a hell as it was.   
Them all being as infinitely good as they are."   
The demon shuddered a little at the thought of a whole planet of goodies.  
Vegeta wasn't about to disagree.  
  
"Well, so you see, there being no hell there, it was decided that you'd be transfered."  
"Transfered?!"   
  
A vein popped out on Vegeta's head.  
but he calmed himself. A little.  
"Where to."  
  
"Earth. This is earth's hell." The Demon made a dramatic sweep with his muscular arm. "Welcome to inferno."  
  
Vegeta snorted. "_This_ is inferno? It doesn't look like very much."  
  
The Demon looked abashed. Perhaps even a little insulted.   
"But look at this place. Look, over here, the lazy are made to pull rocks up the slope.   
Day in day out. never a pause, only working."  
  
Vegeta corssed his arms, brows furrowing as he contiplated this. Then, his face cleared.  
  
"Ah, then you have fights here too, yes?"  
  
"fights?"  
the demon looked back numbly.  
  
"Yes yes, that looks like good warrior training."  
Vegeta considered joining in with them a moment, then decided it was way too easy to do him much good.  
  
"No, you stup- eh, sir." the demon writhed. vegeta was disgusted with the little coward.   
  
But that was the probably the point of demons, Vegeta mused.  
After all, what kind of hell would have good-looking babes cheering you on?  
Not a very good one, he supposed.  
  
THe demon continued his lectures of the place. "look, over there, the screwges have to keep bawling;  
eating loads and loads till they pop!"  
Vegeta snorted.   
  
"And over their, the glouttonists are starved."  
For this the demon was rewarded with a mumble. Thas was sort of bad.  
  
Encouraged, the demon continued "and look over here, what we do to adulterers!"  
  
"Never mind all that." the Prince cut in, having had enough of all this non-sense.  
"What do you do to murderers and such."  
  
-"AH!" the Demon excliamed, taking the liberty of poking a finger at the warrior's chest.  
  
"You're one of those, aren't you,..? Well, we have something verrry special for those."  
the creature pause for drama, until the Prince's glare became too much to bare.  
  
"What we do is, we take you down to the lowest level, and then,.."  
  
"We beat you into a pulp!" the creature exclaimed excitedly, jumping up and down with joy.   
"And it doesn't matter how strong you are _then_ because _we_ are always stronger!"  
THe demon had the sudden urge to continue.  
  
"BUt when you think that is all, you're wrong!"  
Vegeta's silence implyed that he had thought no such thing, but the demon continued his ravings, oblivious.  
"After that, we leave you there, to heal."  
It grinned now, coming up close to the Prince's still glaring face.  
"Only to come back and beat you up again."  
  
Vegeta cocked his head. "Then what?"  
-"then we do it again and again and again!" The demon was still exhillirated.  
"AAAANd?"  
-"uh" it sweated, wondering what more to do,  
"and and we make fun of you and call you names and do whatever we like when you're too weak to get up!"   
  
-"That's it?"  
"that's it." the creature admitted. Then smirked as snottely as he noted the Prince's anger.  
-"That's ALL?"  
it's heart sank. "what do you mean, 'all'? isn't it enough? what's the problem?"  
  
"The problem."  
  
THe pathetic red deamon, more then a head taller then his charge, was lifted into the air again.  
  
"THE PROBLEM!?!   
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT TO PROBLEM IS YOU BAKAYAROU PIECE OF SHIMATTA SHIT! You kusottare!  
I go through ALL that TROUBLE finding those bleeding dragonballs trying to achieve immortality, trying so hard.  
ONLY to get KILLED by my mortal enemy and life time tormentor, and what do I find out? WHAT?  
THAT MY LIFE IS-no- HAS BEEN WORSE THEN THE BEST YOUR LITTLE HELL HAS TO OFFER!"  
  
With an exasporated cry, the prince dumbed the red creature unceremoniously on the floor.  
It sat there dumbfolded for a moment before speaking.  
  
Then mumbled:  
  
"Gee. Immortality? but why, when you,.." trailing off.  
  
"Worse?"  
  
Vegeta groawled, massaging his temples.   
  
"What about the beating up and namecalling?"  
  
The prince spoke softly,  
-"I think a know a certain white lizard that could teach you bunch a vew lessons on how to go about that."  
  
Getting up, the demon placed a friendly claw on the Saij-jin. "I am so sorry to hear that."  
Realising his mistake from the look he got, he pulled his claw back quickly, while he still had one.  
  
"Oh, look on the bright side. Maybe if it was that bad, we can send you straight up to purgetory, maybe even heaven!"  
  
It smiled broadly, black teath gleaming in the fire-light.   
  
The got socked square in the mouth.  
  
"I DON'T WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN!!! I'M FUCKING TILL BLEADING EVIL!"  
  
Before the demon could voice any protest, Vegeta blasted the thing.  
  
Then was unhappily surprised as the smoke cleared.   
It was still alive and well.  
And about to scold him.  
"Now now, don't you know that you can't hurt the demons when you're one of the damned?"  
  
It paused, thinking.  
  
"Maybe _that's_ your punsihment! Having to put up with those that will always be stronger then you."  
  
Vegeta crossed his arms again, muttering:   
"oh, yes! now _there's_ something new."  
  
Then. He paused, feeling himself flicker away and back.  
"Wha-? What was that?"  
  
The demon got up again, looking at him intently.  
  
"Well, what do you know! someone seems to have wished you back to the plain of the living!  
  
Looks like you get another chance at life.  
Oh, and with that nice other Saij-jin at your side too, unless my insight fails me."  
  
The demon grinned at the dumb-stuck Prince.  
"Probably him, too, that's whished you back. Guess you owe him eh?"  
  
Just before the Saij-jin Prince faded away totally, he opened his mouth.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" 


	2. Fusion's Falter

This is what I would call random madness. ok, so I'm mean to Veggie _again_ *sigh* can't help myself.  
it is kindof a follow up on Vegeta's inferno. don't hurt me! I just had to do this!  
disclaimer: I (do not/ could not) own dragonball. SHIMMATTA!!!!  
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'So, you made fun of our hell?'  
  
"-wha-?"  
"Who?" Vegeta looked around frantically.  
It was dark everywhere. He couldn't seem, nor smell anything. Couldn't even feel the ground under him.  
  
Suddenly, there was light. And there, he stood.   
  
Kami.   
  
No, Picollo.   
  
No. Neither. Or them both.  
  
But there was something very wrong about him; something very odd.  
Like he was the sum of both these two, but somehow less. Or more, in a devilish sort of way.  
Suddenly, it wasn't all that hard for Vegeta to beleive Picollo had called himself the demon-king.  
The twitching smile at the corner of his mouth sure was devilish enough.  
  
Wait a minute? 'twitching smile'?   
Something very weird was going on around here.   
A strange sence of dread filled the prince as he looked at the odd, half-bent nameck.  
  
It spoke again. Whatever it was.   
"So? you mocked human the hell you were sent too?   
But I agree. It was not bad enough.   
Not bad enough for the likes of you." it started laughing now. Madly.  
  
DEsperately, the Saij-jin tried to think of a smart retort.   
Something like 'talking to you all day sure would be hell enough.'   
  
But just as he'd formulated the sentence, the old creture cut in again:   
"I'll GIVE YOU HELL!"  
Vegeta didn't know why he'd let him.  
For some reasone, his mouth was too dry to speak. It couldn't be fear. Certainly not.  
  
"YOUR PERSONAL HELL!"  
  
And it all faded out again.  
  
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When his vision cleared, all he could see where colours.   
  
Happy, cheerfull colours. Patterns on them.  
He blinked, focussing on them.   
Right in front of his face. It took him two more moment to realise what these colours were.  
  
Then another to realise he himself was holding them up.   
  
WRAPPING PAPER!; boxes! BAKA!   
  
Uncerimoniously, he dropped the pile of boxes and bags he had been holding, looking around disorientated.  
He was in the middle of a broad street, glass to either side.   
A long tunnel,   
with on the other side of the glass dresses and clothes and all sorts ofuseless gadgets he didn't even want to know.  
But he was hardly alone in the street.  
In fact, it was so crowded he could hardly the glass walls over the heads of the hunderds, no, thousands of people.  
It only strook him funny for a moment that each and everyone seemed to be taller then him.  
  
All around him, conversation hummed, and the happy sound of an orchan could be heard.  
"Watch it, cluts@!"   
Someone called over the humm of the crowd, bumping him, then kicking one of the boxes the Saij-jin Prince had just droped.  
  
Vegeta snarled, righting his palm at the lothesome creature that had just bumped him, actually making him move!  
But what happened shocked him more then anyting else ever could; abselutely _NOTHING_.   
  
No Ki-blas.   
  
Not even a spark.   
  
Needless to say, the little prince was in shock.  
  
He looked at his hand, the back up and down again. So phased that he didn't even react when he was shuffed aside again.  
It was only then that he noticed the blue-haired creature in front of him.  
  
_Bulma_ she was talking dislodgedly to herself, looking down at the ground, somehow not _quite_ seeming herself.  
After a moment, she straightened. "yes, I see."  
  
And with that, she regarded her Saij-jin prince with a devilish smirk. Not her own though.   
It seemed very familiar to the Prince, turning his blood to ice.  
But he was quite sure he had never seen it on _her_ face before.  
  
He cocked his head. Confused, maybe a little scared. But surely Bulma would know what was going on.  
She was, after all, supposed to be brilliant.   
  
"Woman,-"  
  
-"well?" she countered, in a menacing tone of voice.   
"Don't just stand there. Pick up those things you've dropped.  
We've got a hell of a lot more shopping to do."  
She barked a laugh.  
  
"SHOPPING?"  
It was beneath him.   
Besides, how could she think about shopping at a time like this.   
  
Hadn't she seen?   
  
Didn't she know?  
  
He'd just,..   
He couldn't,.. Blast it!   
He couldn't even think it, let alone acknowlidge it. No power.  
what was wrong with him?   
  
What the _hell_ was wrong with the world?  
  
His thoughts were interrupted though.   
"Yes, you cluts. Now pick those things up before they've been stamped flat. And don't make me tell you again."  
With that, she turned on her heel.   
  
Only to stop and turn back at his indignant growl.  
  
"WOMAN! _I_ am the prince of all Saij-jins, not your bag-boy. Get someone else to do it."  
  
The woman glared back at him, closing in fast, red eyes blazing.  
Her voice turned dangerously low.  
"The only reason you're still the prince, is because your the last one _left_.   
Now pick up those bags before you upset me."  
  
"Last one?"   
It seemed so obvious suddely.   
Kakaroth wasn't there anymore. He didn't know how he knew.   
He just did.  
  
Not that it mattered much. If he wanted to spar, he could just jump at _any_ person in this street.  
They were _all_ as strong as he.   
No, stronger. And strong wasn't even the right word.   
  
_Pathetic!_  
  
Vegeta was starting to hyperventilate at the sudden realisation.   
'_NO!_ I'm weak! I-'  
  
wait a minute? Red eyes?  
  
"Your not.- Not my mate!"  
  
THe creature that looked like Bulma looked back at him, cocking it's head.  
  
"What ever are you talking about. Yes I am. Can't you _feel_ it?"  
  
It took just about all he had left not to panic.   
It was right. he _could_ feel it.  
  
But _this_ wasn't Bulma.  
"Your.- YOu're."  
  
_Freeza_.  
  
It chuckled in answer.   
_how perceptive of you_ it answered through his mind.  
  
Vetega was backing away by now, trembling.   
"How?,-"  
"This is a nightmare, right?"  
  
-"Oh, no. it's really me." the monster that looked like a woman told him.  
  
"One moment I was burning in hell, the next,.."  
"phoof!"   
Something latched around the Prince's leg. Smooth and scaled. Before looking down he knew it was Freeza's tail.  
  
Vegeta looked back up, defiance back on his face.   
"NO!"  
  
"Die you,..!" and with a loud 'pat' he strook the tirant.   
  
Nothing. No reaction at all.  
  
Untill the tail around his leg strated crusing his bone.  
  
Hissing through clenched teeth, the proud prince went down on one knee, hands trying to free himself.  
  
"Now now, my pet.   
Your making a scene.   
Just pick up the packidges and follow your assighned two-steps behind."  
  
That was the drop.   
"I will _not_!   
I'll kill you first! I'll NEVER do as you order. Never again."  
  
People were staring, giving him odd looks.   
They seemed oblivious to the tail that was now disentagling from his leg, and latching onto his throat.  
Not ever when he was lifted from the ground did they seem to see it.  
  
"You will too, my little monkey prince.   
You'll do as I tell you and do your best.  
Like the loyal dog you are. And mess up anyway, incompetent as you are.  
And then I'll just have to beat some sence into you.   
_Again_.   
And you'll love it.  
Now get a move on, you sicko."  
  
Vegeta blinked as he was finally released. People were staring and he knew he was red in the face.  
More as a reflex then reason, he started picking up the packedges quickly,   
running after the creature that looked like his mate.  
  
Well, he didn't want to make even _more_ of a scene, did he?  
  
"Kami" he grumbled under his breath.   
"I hope I wake up soon."  
  
Then he groaned, caught up in to painfully slow gait of the shoppers all around.   
Setting his teeth as the monster in front of him made a special point of stopping to stare at every window-frame.  
  
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Picollo was the first to wake up, staring at the empty sky above him.   
Only a single palm-leave in his view, swaying in the wind.  
Then, he heard a groan next to him. Kami. "What? what happened."  
Piccolo groaned back in answer. he had a plitting head-ache, but he doubted his couterpart was off any better.  
"can't remember."  
" but I don't think our little fusion experiment was a succes."  
  
Kami must have nodded in answer. Piccollo didn't really have the energy to check.  
  
"say. maybe we did something wrong?"  
  
"could be. wanna try again?"  
  
Piccollo groaned again. "not in this lifetime."  



End file.
